you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
