Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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