with your own penis?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
