Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
