I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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