I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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