They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
