Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
