somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
