Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
