We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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