Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
