2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
