I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
