Already got asked if we're dating
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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