Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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