Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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