I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
