i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
