Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
do herpes really smell.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
