I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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