He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
