On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
