I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
