Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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