He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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