What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
