I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
