I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
