please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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