The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's blow job season.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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