This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
