I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
