I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
