We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
