I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
