Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
