I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
