Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
