i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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