Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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