Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
