Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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