cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
