to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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