just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
