hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
