did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
