bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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