Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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