if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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