I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
