There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
